Confessions

These are not the type of confessions that I'd go to a Bishop over. These are the kinds of confessions that I need to purge because they've been on my mind. Some are good, others bitter. Just a warning.

First off, I signed up in our ward this past Sunday to feed the sister missionaries on Wednesday evening. I figured that Ryan was on post-call, so he'd definitely be home and just be waking up around dinner time. The night before, I received no phone call. Hmmm. That's never happened before, but I'm in a new area, too. Maybe they play the game a little differently.

On Wednesday afternoon I went to the grocery store, ditching my friend Kako at the library, because Josh was getting fussy/tired and I knew I had to run to the store before his nap. I spent a good wad of money getting the good stuff (and since we haven't received our first paycheck, this was quite the sacrifice).

I put out the Rhodes rolls to thaw/rise and made brownies (to go over ice cream) when I got home. I figured maybe the sisters called by now. No message. I proceeded to call our Relief Society President to see if she could tell me who our Mission Leader is OR get the sister's phone number. No answer. I left a message.

At 4:00, I cut up the watermelon, made the drinks, and went forth with the steak salad. And by the way, this is the best salad in the world! Maybe if Kako gives me the rights, I will post the recipe. The steak salad took me a little over an hour. (I know it's a salad, but I had to cut and cook the steak, cook the bacon, cut up all the ingredients...etc...) But, I admit that I am a slow cook, too.

It's now 5:15 and I haven't heard back from anyone. I remember reading on the sign-up sheet that dinner was always planned at 5:00. 15 minutes late. Grrrr. Josh starts to complain that he's hungry. Ryan is now up and ready for food. My belly is growling as well. So, we sat down to eat at 5:30.

Now, that's just not right. I spent quite a bit of time making this "special dinner" and I had no guests. Ryan and I loved it, though, and he kept saying, "Those missionaries sure missed out!" throughout the dinner. Such a sweetheart. And I agree, they did. But bitterness still lingered...

The Relief Society President called back at 8:00 that night and I told her they never showed. She sympathized and in all my sweetness I said, "Well, at least we have leftovers!" I always try to stay positive when talking to others even when I'm feeling angry inside. It's a trait I inherited (or maybe how I was raised). She gave me a number to the lady who sets up dinners for the missionaries. When I called her she told me she didn't know why they didn't show up, but she would call them. I'm sure she called them, but she never called me back to tell me why. I guess it will always be a mystery. Maybe I wouldn't be as upset if I knew the reason why me and my delicious meal were ditched. Anyhow, it may be awhile until I feed the missionaries again...

My second confession is about Joshua. Right now I am watching another little boy during the day for about a month. He is 6 months younger than Josh. But I can now see why Josh is considered an angel. When he is around other kids, he is so dang good! He shares his toys and if another kid takes it out of his hand, he gets another one. He is so non-confrontational! I watched him in awe as he would say, "your turn!" over and over and get out of his fire truck so the other boy could play in it. He smiles to him and tries so hard to include him and make sure he's having fun. Such a peacemaker. I think he gets this trait from me, but Ryan is sure that it's from him.

On the other hand, he does not like to be rough-housed. This boy "hugged" him from the back, ready to take him down and wrestle. Josh freaked out! He always has. He also body slammed Josh to the ground and that led to more tears. Poor little guy is not competitive at all. He may end up being the one with all the "girlfriends". But I'd be fine with that. Less bruises and a bigger heart. I will admit that he is one smart kid though. People are always amazed with his vocabulary and cognitive thinking skills. (If you want specifics, I'd LOVE to brag---just ask!)

My third confession is how I feel guilty when I clean. Not "scrub the floors" kind of clean, but tidy-clean. I feel so anal when it comes to cleaning up messes. It's almost like I can't handle it being un-tidy in the least! I honestly have to talk myself into letting Josh keep the place messy so that he can enjoy playtime. It is seriously a curse. Funny thing is, other people's messes don't bother me. I actually look up to it. I think, "Man, I bet your kids love living here!" It's such a relaxed environment. I feel guilty having others come over when it's clean. Sometimes I even mess it up when I know someone's coming just so that they don't think I'm a freak! Now that is insane....