Our camera's battery was dead on my birthday, so you're stuck with this picture instead of the one with me blowing out the "3" and "2" on my cake (we were lucky, these were from Josh's 2nd and 3rd birthdays). I seriously can't believe that I am 32. I never thought that I'd get this old and it came by so quickly. I have to remind myself quite often that Ryan and I had a late start. Most Morman women have kids that are at least 6 or 8 years old by now. Or even older. And my oldest is just 4. And that's hard sometimes, especially after losing Matthew and thinking that he would be 6 1/2 years old by now. I sure miss him. But Ryan and I got married a little older than most LDS people as well and Ryan took a break from school for 3-4 years which puts us behind career wise, too.
I really am excited to be finished with residency. 2 more years, 2 more years, 2 more years. And I am trying hard to make each day good and memorable for me and the boys. But then I remind myself that I am 32 and I get discouraged that we aren't in a house, aren't making much money, and will owe about 200,000$$ in student loans when we're finished. That's so discouraging. I guess I need another lesson in enjoying the moment.
I am currently trying to sublet our apartment. Many of you know (from Facebook) that my downstairs neighbor basically hates us. And I don't blame him. He is a bachelor who stays out late and works night shifts. He also has an unpredictible schedule. My kids are up early and are loud with their mouths and their feet. I am constantly looking out the window to see if he is home because we are home ALL THE TIME. He complained about us about a month ago and we got a 10 day warning that if we didn't resolve our issues of loudness, we would be kicked out. So, I'm hoping someone sublets our apartment. I put it up on Craig's List, so we'll see. If we do get it (cross your fingers), we will rent a house. And it would be the end of apartments for us, forever.
So, that's that. My frustrations and all. But I want to leave on a happy note saying that I know that I am very blessed by my Heavenly Father. I know that he watches over me and my family. I know that I am loved by many people and I hope to be a better person because of these things. I love my husband and my sons very much. They are my life and I am so grateful to have them. I know there are many people who wish for and hope for what I have and that I take it for granted sometimes. I really just hope to be a better and happier person and live my life in a way that will make Heavenly Father proud of me. And thus, I will be proud also.
If you stuck in this long, you deserve a medal. Thanks.
6 comments:
Where's my medal? :)
how did i miss the birthday? oh, wait, i remember. it was a BTO night. happy day to you, none the less.
you do have a great family. and for pete's sake, you are NOT OLD! 32, seriously. you are not behind in anything. not everyone fits into the same time mold, especially the "mormon time mold" if one existed.
i had a similar converstion with my sister not too long ago, both of us realizing that we think or say, "i will be more happy/settled/organized when i....." fill in the blank. i will be ready to start my life when i have a house. when we have a career. when my kids are all in school. we made a pact to each other to change our mindset. like you said, life is great now! it's hard, and the grass looks greener over there, but really, maybe we can't see the greeness of our own grass when standing right on top of it. my friend has a quite on her blog from Pres Hinckley tht says something like, life is to be enjoyed, not merely endured. let it roll off your back and go with the flow.
after a reflection of my wild day, i am feeling a bit philisophical. can youtell? :) no lecture intended, just some encouragement.
Kim, you are amazing! I just had to tell you that the first Sunday we were in church last year, you and Janae were the first to talk to me and made me feel so welcome; thank you! I know how you feel too; though Clark and I have known each other since gradeschool so we got together early, I feel like for our entire marriage I have been waiting for life to start, and it's been almost four years. Carlie has it right when she quoted Pres Hinckley (I miss him so) that life is for enjoyment, and you have to learn what makes YOU happy and do that, no matter the circumstances. Congrats on 32 awesome years of being wonderful!
Kim, I'm sure it felt good to write all of that and vent a little. I felt the same way when we were in school. It's so hard to live in the moment. You guys are doing a great job. You have two wonderful boys and a hard working husband. I'm going to miss you SO much.Love you lots. Hang in there.
Kim!!! You are SO NOT Old:) I just turned 30! And our girls are 18 months and almost 4 months!! See, they are so young we are still counting in months:) We got a late start on everything too! I was 25 and Micah 30 when we got married, I was 28 when I had Emily and 29 when Haley came! Life is tough, Life is Frustrating, but Life is Amazing too! Thanks for your blogs:) I love to read them, when I can sneak a minute! Oh and where are you guys moving to?
Kim, I can't believe it took me this long to find a minute to catch up on your blog. If you think you're old, you should hear what my doctor said to me yesterday? Let's just say that what I need, Jason said I might be able to borrow from his grandma! Hang in there. Residency will be over before you know it and then life might get better but it will probably get harder too.:) Love ya!
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